HAVE YOU EVER JUST REALLY WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE AND YOURE IN A MUTUAL FOLLOW WITH THEM AND YOU JUST KIND OF STARE AT THEIR URL LONGINGLY BEFORE JUST SLOWLY SCROLLING PAST BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO SEEM WEIRD
My older cat got sick of my kitten trying to play with him so he pinned him down and licked him until he fell asleep
I got the perfect picture of my Louie, but then I saw the background
Sorry did you need to use this? #watsonkitty #sherlockcat
We were watching the Hangover 2 at an orientation party for new students. We weren’t supposed to be there – we went for the free food, like any good university student would. I was looking forward to it – I needed a distraction from the series of medical tests I’d had the previous day. My first blood draw, my first IV, my first chest x-ray, my first CT scan. They booked me an appointment with an ENT. I didn’t know what to do.
As the movie went on, I remember the slow sense of dread. I can’t move my forehead. I can’t keep my eyes open. I can’t see. I remember the isolation and panic I felt when I realized there was something very, very wrong with me and not a single other person in the room knew or could possibly relate if I tried to explain. I was trapped. I drove my friends home – as they chatted, the streetlights went double, and I kept my hand on my forehead to keep my eyes from closing. I was diagnosed the next afternoon – myasthenia gravis.
This was three years ago today. I haven’t had symptoms for a while, but the emotional recovery has been as taxing as the physical one was. I find it somewhat serendipitous to be at MedicineX right now – the three days of the conference fall over the same three emotional days that led to my diagnosis.
I’ve had moments of loneliness while I’ve been here and couldn’t figure out why, but I think I know. All chronic illnesses have common connecting threads, but they all have their unique aspects. Neuromuscular disease isolates you in a different way than other chronic illnesses. It cuts you off from others in the most fundamental human sense – even if the desire to reach out to others is there, you are not able to. You try to speak and get confused looks in response. You will your arms to move but they stay inert. Your lungs stop working - you feel like you are drowning above water. You can’t communicate, but are mostly left to the will of others. It took away everything – it took away the person I was, and rebuilding myself has been the hardest thing I’ve done.
Despite those fleeting lonely feelings, I also feel more connected than ever. I am mostly grateful that I am here – there are things I worry I will forget, and being around the other patients here has reminded of those things. I don’t want to forget what it means to be compassionate. I don’t want to forget the sense of humanity I’ve gained from my experiences. But being here, I am reminded that it is a part of me now, and I’m thankful for that.
Absolutely disgusted by the news that armed criminals from Russia crossed the border into Estonia and kidnapped a KAPO officer. This is outrageous and I can say with all certainty that the Estonian people will not forgive nor let this matter go.
Asking ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ is the most fucking stupid thing, you don’t have to be depressed about anything. You can be sad about something and you can be angry about something, but depression is just there, it just lurks, it doesn’t need a reason. Clinical depression is the chemicals in your brain not doing what they’re meant to and it can affect literally anyone, in any circumstance. To suggest it’s situational is ignorant and harmful and assumes it can be fixed by removing an external source. Sometimes it is simply your brain working against itself, and that is what makes it so fucking scary.